Get Over It! Recast the Past to Propel Your Future
by Peter McLaughlin and Peter McLaughlin, Jr.

One of my favorite movies of 2003 was Seabiscuit, which tells the story of an unlikely horse racing team that captivated America during the Depression era. (For my exciting Oscar picks, see below). Part of the story’s greatness comes from the fact that the team has so many strikes against it – the jockey is half-blind and too big, the horse is uncontrollable and too small, the trainer is an oddball and too old – and they still manage to battle their way to the top.

One of the main characters is Red Pollard (played by Tobey Maguire), a failed boxer-turned-jockey whose temper continually gets him into trouble. His hostility, it turns out, stems from a devastating childhood event: Red’s father, too impoverished to pay for housing and food in the Depression, had to give away his son to a well-off family so they could take care of him.

During one of Seabiscuit's early races, Red’s temper costs the team dearly. In the opening stage of the race, an opposing jockey cuts abruptly in front of Red and Seabiscuit. Red loses it. He immediately abandons the race plan devised with his trainer and manager. Recklessly sprinting to the lead, he curses the jockey who fouled him, pushes Seabiscuit to his limit, and tires out the horse too early. Predictably, several horses pass them in the final stretch, and Seabiscuit finishes near the back of the pack.

If you saw the movie or read the book, you’ll recall that after the race, the horse trainer and manager (an intelligent and patient duo played by Chris Cooper and Jeff Bridges) confront Red about his blunder. “He fouled me,” Red yells. “He fouled me. What was I supposed to do, let him get away with it?”

The owner, sensing something deeper than the unsportsmanlike conduct on the race track, calmly responds: “What are you so mad at?”

Later that night, Red goes for a long walk. Reaching a bridge, he pulls out a bag of books and holds them over a wide river, on the brink of casting them away forever. The books, which he read with his father as a child, are Red’s only tie with his family. A second before releasing the bag, he stops. Re-evaluating his relationship with his father, Red has a revelation. He recalls many fond moments of his childhood. He reflects on the positive aspects of his early family life, and restores a new sense of serenity about his past. Letting out a deep breath, he pulls back the bag of books and walks home.

The moment at the bridge is transformative for Red, who subsequently adopts a more patient, self-confident approach that helps him guide Seabiscuit to become the best race horse in the country.

I sense that many people have experienced a problem similar to Red’s. A job loss, failed work project, poor investment, or the demise of a relationship sparks disappointment or resentment. For most people, such emotions are only an occasional interruption – feelings of anger or regret that temporarily bog down your efforts to move forward and perform with all your talent. For a handful of people, though, this emotional stuckness can be serious, prolonging a feeling of discontent and crippling their capacity for positive planning and action. At its worst, negative thought patterns can cycle through your mind (I should be making double my salary, I should be the head of my department, I should have a much richer portfolio) and keep you mired in a swamp of pessimism and inactivity.

So how about you…are you letting any past frustrations diminish your boldness or stultify your creativity? From our studies in Positive Psychology, I’d like to offer four ideas to help you feel better about the past and propel yourself into a more positive future.

The first idea is a simple one: realize that your past does not dictate your future. As the eminent psychologist Martin Seligman writes after a comprehensive review of psychological literature: “I think that the events of childhood are overrated; in fact, I think past history in general is overrated. It has turned out to be difficult to find even small effects of childhood events on adult personality, and there is no evidence at all of large – to say nothing of determining – effects.” I’m not going to try to offer a treatise on psychology theory, because it’s an immense and complex subject. But Seligman’s point is interesting and liberating: don’t assume that events in your business or personal life have limited your abilities in any way whatsoever.

The second idea involves gratitude. It’s all too easy to dwell on misfortune and wallow in self-pity. A powerful antidote to this moping is to actively recall the people and experiences for which you are grateful. Most experiences – even difficult or unpleasant ones – contain elements from which you can draw meaning and value. Research shows that consciously reflecting on positive experiences and current advantages can improve your mood and creativity.

The third strategy for feeling better about your past is forgiveness. Again, the decision to forgive others is a complex one. In some instances, forgiving injustice may unintentionally lead to a higher incidence of future injustice. If you need to take action to address past wrongs or express your viewpoint on an issue, do it. But if an event is over and done, and out of your control, then forgiving can be a good way to put it to bed and get on with more productive activity. Studies show that people who are able to forgive experience significantly less stress, better health, and more optimism.

A final strategy is to reassert a sense of control and take action. Put past grievances behind you. Get over it. Stop limiting your future growth and performance by stewing over what should have been or could have been. Face reality as it is right now, and invest your energy and creativity in building a more prosperous future.

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